Hedgeguard on Duty
by mariobroultimate
Summary: Sonic dreams of one day being a lifeguard. That dream comes true thanks to a friend of his, however it turned out to be a more difficult job than he initially thought.


**I do not own Sonic. Property of SEGA and Sonic Team.**

Welcome to Emerald Coast. Where the sun is hot, and the bathers are way past cool! Sonic and Amy were sunbathing next to each other with glasses on. As usual, Amy thought of it as a romantic date, while Sonic thought of it as two best friends hanging out together.

Sonic: Beautiful day, isn't it Ames?

Amy: Yeah, it's perfect.

Sonic: Can you believe that sun?

Amy: It's almost as hot as you.

Sonic: What?

Amy: Err… nothing. *flirtatiously* So, how's that tan coming?

Sonic: Lemme check!

Sonic looks down on his chest, and surely enough, his peach-colored chest has gotten darker.

Sonic: Looking good!

Amy: *blushing* (So handsome!)

Sonic: How about yours?

Amy blushed even harder hearing that Sonic wanted a look at her tan and took a look. Only to see her rear.

Amy: AAAAHHHH!!!!!

Sonic: WHAT'S WRONG?!

Amy turns her body over.

Amy: I could've sworn I was laying on my back!

Sonic and Amy: HAHAHAHA!

As they were laughing, a group of people ran past them.

Sonic: Whoa! What's going on? Is there a parade or something?

The two bathers witness none other than Knuckles the Echidna lifting six people on a surfboard and everyone cheers. His nose was painted white.

Sonic: Hey, I didn't know ol' knucklehead became a lifeguard.

Rouge, Tikal, and Shade walked over to Knuckles with hearts in their eyes.

Rouge: Mr. Lifeguard, can we feel your muscle?

Knuckles: Sure thing! Don't scratch the paint.

Knuckles holds out his muscles and the girls gently feel it and run off giggling. The Babylon Rogues come to Knuckles next.

Jet, Hey Lifeguard, how's the tubage?

Knuckles: Gnarly dude!

Jet: Alright! Who!

The rouges run off, finally Professor Pickles (from Sonic Unleashed) comes next.

Professor Pickles: Excuse me Lifeguard, but can you point out the snackbar?

Knuckles: Right over there! But you're way too old and unsightly for my beach, so I'm afraid I'm gonna have to ask you to leave.

The Professor walks off.

Professor Pickles: What a polite young lad.

Sonic: What a guy. Is it any wonder he's so popular? Imagine if I were a lifeguard…

Sonic daydreams of him in the lifeguard chair, lifting up his glasses, and doing a wink.

Sonic: That would be so cool!

Amy didn't like this idea one bit, since he'd have less time to spend with her.

Amy: Sonic, you don't wanna be a lifeguard! Trust me! Those guys are SO overrated! All they do is blow on their obnoxious whistles, rub white stuff on their noses, AND HAVE THE AUDACITY TO SHOW OFF THEIR GROSS, MISSHAPEN, BODIES!

Amy's belly expands, revealing the fat she's gotten from breakfast, as Shadow walks by.

Shadow: Amy, put that thing AWAY! There are, like, CHILDREN here!

Amy pushes her belly fat into her feet, making them so huge that her sandals burst.

Amy: I'm going to the snack bar!

She walks away grumpily.

Sonic: She's right! Who needs to be a lifeguard? I'm way past cool! I'm so much cooler than Knucklehead! And if I'm not, let me be struck by-

THUNDER

Sonic: Nah! That's too cliche. How about… a flying ice cream truck!

Sonic sees an ice cream truck with wings falling down on him.

Sonic: AND LIVE!!!!!!!

The flying ice cream truck lands on him. Rings were seen flying out of him as well.

Eggman: Hahaha! How do you like my new ice scream truck Sonic?

The truck flies away.

Knuckles: Please no landing flying ice cream trucks on the bathers! Sonic, are you okay?

Sonic gets up when a vanilla ice cream cone falls off his nose. Making it white.

Knuckles: Hey, I didn't know you were a lifeguard too!

Sonic: Huh?

Knuckles: The nose.

Sonic feels his nose.

Sonic: White stuff. You think I'm a lifeguard?

Knuckles: Sure! There's no hiding the lifeguard look, and you've got it!

Sonic: You really think so?

Knuckles: You bet I do! Say, we're a little shorthanded around here. How'd you like to work the beach?

Sonic: Are you kidding? I'm all down for it!

Knuckles: Alright! Hey everyone! I'd like you to meet my friend!

Sonic: Hey, everybody! I'm Sonic, Sonic the Hedgeguard!

The whole beach cheers as people come to pick Sonic up.

Knuckles: Whaddaya know? They're liking you already!

Sonic: Yeah!

A montage starts. Sonic puts on a suit identical to Knuckles's and they both walk around the beach blowing whistles. Knuckles puts lotion on Vanilla's back and gives Sonic a thumbs up as he puts lotion on Eggman. Next, Knuckles helps Tails, Cream, Marine, and Charmy build a Sand Castle. But Sonic goes the extra mile by creating a very realistic castle with just the lift of a bucket and all the kids play in it. Earning him a thumb of approval from Knuckles. Knuckles then lifts a boat up with his muscles, Sonic just lifts a regular weight since he's not at that level. Finally the two are hula dancing, playing ukuleles.

Sonic: Alright! That was amazing Knuckles! We really blowed everyone away!

Knuckles: We sure did, ol' pal! Say, how'd you like to take the second shift?

Sonic: By myself?

Knuckles: Only if you think you're ready.

Sonic puts some zinc-oxide on his nose.

Sonic: Totally ready! I've got this in the bag.

Knuckles: Thanks Sonic! Well, I'll just-

???: HELP! HELP!

Silver is seen drowning in deep water.

Silver: Somebody help!

Knuckles: We've got a sinker! Sonic, let me handle this one! I haven't seen any action all day!

Sonic: Action?

Knuckles runs toward shore and starts swimming as fast as he can to save Silver. As Silver was about to sink, Knuckles grabbed him and he fainted. As they got back to shore, Knuckles punched him in the chest to make him breathe. Silver regurgitates water and a book.

Silver: Well, that's the last time I read and swim. You saved my life!

Knuckles: Don't mention it! It's all part of the job!

Everyone cheers while Sonic was stunned.

Knuckles: You know Sonic, the babes and the big chair are great, but the best part is knowing you're the only thing that stands between these good people…

Near a sign saying "Annual Chili Dog Chug" everyone was cheering at Jet chugging Chili Dogs in his mouth.

Knuckles: ...and a watery grave. And that's what its all about.

A car drives up to pick him up.

Knuckles: Their lives are in your hands now, 'cause I got a date with the tanning booth. See ya.

He drives away.

Sonic: But I…

An inner tube inflates around him.

Sonic: …can't swim. Oh, what was I thinking? It's called a LIFE GUARD for a reason. If I knew this job actually meant guarding people's lives, I would've never said yes.

He throws the tube off.

Sonic: Okay Sonic, don't panic. Maybe nothing will happen. When Knuckles gets back just tell him you're not interested. Besides, what's the worst that could happen? It's just water. Just… water…

Sonic recieves Vietnam-style flashbacks of Labyrinth Zone, Tidal Tempest, Aquatic Ruins Zone, and Hydrocity Zone. All while the Sonic 1 drowning theme plays. Then he imagines all the people in the ocean turning into tombstones.

Sonic: AAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!

Sonic runs up to the lifeguard tower and rings the bell.

Sonic: EVERYBODY OUT OF THE WATER! EMERGENCY! OUT OF THE WATER! HURRY!

Everybody runs out, wondering what was going on.

Sonic: Erm… there are sharks in there!

Mobian Shark: Hey! You're talking about my family!

Sonic: Oh sorry, they weren't sharks. They were KILLER WHALES!!!!

A huge killer whale rises out of the water. And despite not being mobian, it could talk.

Killer Whale: You know, we killer whales have made great strides in the fields of science and literature.

Sonic: Err… somebody went?

The angry people went back into the water and started playing again.

Sonic: No! Don't go!

Sonic watched in horror as people were doing "dangerous" things. Such as Cream and Cheese splashing water at each other, Silver water skiing while also using psychokinesis to carry Blaze, Marine and Charmy playing catch inside a killer whale's mouth, and Storms hitting Jet's head on rocks.

Sonic bring out an ice cream cart.

Sonic: FREE ICE CREAM!!!!!!

Everybody get out of the water in excitement, Sonic serves everybody a popsicle themed after him.

Sonic: AHA! Got you now! Now you gotta wait one hour before you go swimming.

Everyone stares at him.

Sonic: But just so you're not tempted…

Sonic wraps up everybody around "do not cross" tape at super sonic speed. After he's done he ties it up with a bow shaped knot.

Sonic: Ladies and Gentlemen, the beach is now CLOSED!

Jet: We like Knuckles better!

Sonic: Oh, really. Did that Knucklehead ever give you FREE ICE CREAM!?

Amy bursts out of a port-o-potty.

Amy: Ice cream?! Is Sonic serving ice cream?!

Amy thought of it as simple math. Sonic plus ice cream equals SUPER HAPPY AMY!

Amy: SONIC!!!!

She starts running around when she sees the "do not cross" tape. And hallucinates to see "free ice cream from Sonic The Hedgehog"

Amy: ICE CREAM! SONIC!

She runs through the tape into the ocean. There, she gets a butt cramp from the lunch she had at the snack bar.

Amy: AAAAAAAHHHHHH!!!! CRAMP!!!!

Amy starts drowning in the water.

Amy: Help! I'm drowning! HELP!

Silver: Holy cow! Somebody's drowning!

Sonic: Oh no, that's not possible. The beach is closed.

Jet: Dude! Get your butt in the water!

Sonic: If there was anyone in there, we'd hear them.

Amy: Help! I can't swim!

Sonic: Someone would be screaming that they're drowning.

Amy: I'M DROWNING!!!!

Sonic: They would've crossed the line.

Amy: Why was I such an idiot to cross the line?

Sonic: Okay, I'll look. But just to prove to you that AMY ISN'T DROWNING!!!!!!!!

Amy: Can't swim… Sonic… Ice Cream…

Sonic: Don't worry Amy, I'm coming!

He runs toward the ocean but stops before touching water.

Sonic: Hang on!

Sonic throws a life preserver, but it doesn't even get close to Amy.

Espio: Quit fooling around and get in the water!

Sonic quickly thinks then comes up with an idea.

Sonic: AHA!

Sonic grabs one of Tail's water emptying machines.

Sonic: Amy can't drown if there's no water!

Sonic uses the machine to suck up all the water in the ocean.

Sonic: Whelp, you're safe now, Amy.

Sonic heard muffled screaming inside the machine and empties it up again. He uses the Chaos Emerald to turn Super and get to Amy quickly.

Amy: Sonic!

Super Sonic: Quick, Amy, grab o-!

Super Sonic turns back to normal because of a lack of rings.

Sonic: Should've gotten more rings.

Sonic starts drowning with Amy.

Sonic and Amy: HELP! HELP US! WE'RE DROWNING!

Everyone who is tied up just walks off whistling. The Sonic 1 drowning theme starts.

Sonic: Goodbye, Amy!

Amy: Goodbye, Sonic!

Knuckles walks up behind them revealing that the water is very shallow and picks up Sonic and Amy as the drowning theme fades away.

Knuckles: Sonic…

Sonic: Yes, Knuckles?

Knuckles: You're not really a lifeguard, are ya?

Sonic: No…

Knuckles: Come on you two.

Sonic and Amy are seen doing swimming practice in a kiddie pool.

Knuckles: Wow! You two are learning fast!

Sonic and Amy: OW! CRAMP!

**Hope you enjoyed this Spongebob parody. If you liked this, be sure to check out some of my other Spongebob Parodies. See ya later!**

**Spongebob owned by Nickelodeon and Viacom**

**Cast: Sonic-Spongebob**

**Amy-Patrick**

**Knuckles-Larry**

**Jet-Scooter**

**Shadow-Nat**

**Espio-Harold**

**Silver-Drowning Fish**

**Professor Pickles-Elderly Couple**

**Vanilla-Annete**

**Tails, Cream, Charmy, Marine-Children**

**Mobian Shark-Shark Family**

**Killer Whale-Sea Monster**


End file.
